I stumbled onto the hard concrete, feeling its rough and mountainous surface on my skin, tearing at my bruised and pale skin; feeling alive as my blood trickled down, the feeling of adrenaline still flooding my system. I looked down at my pink, fleshy hands, realizing I was under the light of a lamppost. Oh the glorious light, the street lights that I haven’t seen in years— the yellowed bulb; the cold, gray pole; the same pole that I would throw myself at as a child, flinging around it, not a care in the world while twirling myself around. But that’s when I snapped back to reality, that’s when I heard your oncoming footsteps, racing in my direction, stepping on the tattle-tail leaves. I start to sprint, tears flooding my eyes, blinding me as I try to escape from you, finally free from your rough, cracked hands. I can’t though, I want to stop; I want to sit and stare at trees, I want to run my fingers through grass, I want to walk through the same park i did as a child, feeling the fresh air on my stale skin, breathing in the earthy stench, feeling the dirt under my fingernails; but if I stop you’ll find me. You’ll drag me back; I can’t go back, I won’t go back. I keep running, trying to steady my breathing so you won’t hear me, trying to run in the shadows so you don’t see me— but I can sense you. I can hear your breathing, I can feel your warm, angry breath, I can see your shadow, moving ever so closer, and that’s when you grab me. The all too familiar feeling of your cracked hands on my bruised neck, that’s when you dig your shoes into my calves and throw me on the floor, thats when you cover my mouth to choke back my screams, that’s when you kick my worn down abdomen and punch at my sanguinary face, thats when you pull at my hair, cocking my head backwards, whispering your malice and hatred into my ungovernable ears. And sadly, that’s when I wake up. Still in the same goddamn room, the same off-white walls that I’ve had to look at for the past months, or years, the same shit-hole I’ve been encaged in. But I can’t cope, my chest falls and fills with hopeless pain, such an immense pressure on it that I start to suffocate, tears rolling down my skin, lump starting to form in my throat, because I have the ability to open the door.
If you ever sent me a nice anon message I hope all your dreams come true and may your harvest be bountiful
I JUST BURNT MY HAND ON MY LAMP TRYING TO TURN IT OFF LAMPS SHOULD NOT BE HOT ENOUGH TO GIVE YOU THIRD DEGREE BURNS THIS IS BULLSHIT.
maybe if you’d go outside and used natural sunlight instead of running your lamp for 13 hours straight, this wouldn’t happen :)
OH I’M SORRY IT’S 3:38AM LET ME JUST WAKE UP THE SUN SO I CAN SIT OUTSIDE WITH MY SKINLESS BURNT HAND AND BASK IN THE GLORY OF NATURAL DAYLIGHT.